Burnt Letters
by kahl.x.kinny
Summary: Kyle is sick of Kenny dying all the time. He never see's his best friend, Stan, because he's always with Wendy. Kyle has no one to talk to; that is until he crosses an ad that allows him to communicate with the dead.
1. To Kenny

_A/N: This is mine and my friend's combined account. We got this idea while writing a cosplay letters to each other in between classes and we honestly don't really know how it all started. Well, I don't. I guess I just got bored one day and decided to write her a letter as Mr. Kyle Broflovski himself :) because I'm just that awesome.. Least to say, I'm Kahl and she's Kinny. So when you see a Kahl chapter, it's mine. If there's a Kinny chapter, it's hers. :) So, we'll be starting with Kahl._

_**Disclaimer: We don't own South Park, unfortunately.. But I do wish I owned Stan.. (this is the part where Kinny rolls her eyes at me and calls me obsessed.) **_

**Burned Letters**

I hugged my books close to my chest and rushed out of science. Even though I may be good at it, I wasn't a hug fan of it. Especially the teacher. He was such a fucktard, I don't know who would be able to understand that damn jiberish that he was talking. No wonder half the class comes to me to clarify things.

I pretty much ran to my locker and hurriedly opened the lock, swinging it open. I jumped, my books falling on the floor as I hear a loud thump from beside me. I look around the locker door to see that Stan had ran into it and he was now sprawled across the floor.

"Ah shit, Kyle!" He growled, rubbing his head. "Why is it every time I always get hit with your locker door?!"

"It's not always mine! It's Cartman's, or Kenny's, or even Wendy's! It's just you Stan. Face it, you're completely accident prone dude." I shoved my books into my locker.

"Oh yeah, well what about yesterday." He crossed his arms and slung his book bag over his shoulder. His face was stern and determined looking. Maybe he shouldn't have that much confidence in his self. I hear that football players always let it get to their head and then crash and burn when they make it to college.

"Wendy." I stated clearly to him.

His face looked stumped. "Oh.. What about the day before that?"

"Wendy again."

He frowned. "Dammit."

"Hi Stan!" A high pitched voice came from behind him. I jumped again, slamming my locker shut.

"Hey Wends." He hugged her and I grinded my teeth together. Why couldn't that be me?! I huffed and Wendy turned to me with a fake smile.

"Kyle." She used her greeting tone that showed that she acknowledged my presence but she had no intentions of talking to me.

"Wendy." I gave her back the same tone and added my own annoyed look to it.

It was an awkward silence of Wendy and I having a stare down beforel the boy with the orange parka ran over, laughing his ass off about something that he planned on telling us.

"Dudes! Dudes! Listen to this!" He was out of breathe and leaned against the locker door. "Okay.. Craig told me this just now."

We all waited for him to catch his breathe. He finally cleared his throat and began, still leaning against the locker to prop himself up. "Why do they make glow in the dark condoms?" Oh dear Lord.

We glance around and I shrug. "Idunno. Why?" Please not a...

"Get this... So gay dudes can play Star Wars." Ah, damn. It is a gay joke. There's a second of quietness before Kenny starts busting a gut again. I swear he's gonna die from laughing one day.

I just stare. Yeah, it offended me. Stan is holding it back, but because of Wendy. Stan doesn't know I'm gay. No one does. Thankfully. I'm probably guessing that if I tell Stan, he'll tell Wendy who will tell Bebe who will tell EVERYONE else.

There's this nasally laugh that joins in with Kenny's. "Nice dude! That's awesome! Making fun of the Jew's gayness!" He pats Kenny's back just a little bit too hard and it sends Kenny flying down the stairs that we're standing next to. I hear a splat, followed by a scream.

"Oh my god! You killed Kenny!" I shriek at Cartman, who looks absolutely horrified.

"You bastard!" Stan says with just as much rage. I storm off to my house.

School's out for at least an hour when I finally get an IM on my computer from Stan.

**STAN MARSH: hey dude. I cant hang wit u 2day. Wendys comin over. :) mayb 2morrow?**

I sigh. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's a regular basis thing. I handle it by eating diabetic ice cream. Ha! I'm just kidding. I'm not a pussy like that. I just get really pissed off.

**KYLE BROFLOVSKI: ya dude. w.e. its kewl. go choose ur gf over ur sbf*.**

I roll my eyes as I hit send and continue to look stuff up.

So I'm doing my homework on the internet and I come across this ad.

**GOT A FRIEND IN HELL? WANNA SEND THEM A LETTER? CLICK HERE! **

Ironic. And weird. My eyes widened and I clicked the ad. I see an address to mail it to so I pull out a piece of paper and begin to write.

_Dear Kenny;_

_How are you pal? Pal? What the fuck!? Sorry bout that. I don't know why I called you pal but it won't happen again. I promise. So anyways, what's up? Nothing with me. I just miss you. Cartman's a REAL ASSHOLE!_

_How's hell treating you so far? Was your welcome warm? XD! That was a lame joke. You don't have to laugh. I did, though. Like I always do. I laugh at my own jokes and I ramble in letters. Am I crazy?_

_I think I am crazy.. Just to send this to you in hell... :S Wow. As if you'll actually get this. It'll probably be some other person pretending to be you. :( I hope not. I wanna talk to you about something important. But it has to be in person._

_Is Damien there? Tell him that Pip says hi. He's messaging me now. And before he gets any ideas, it's about the English project we were assigned today. Mr. Garrison is a real asshole as well. I don't know how we put up with him when we were little._

_So, I'm guessing Mole is there too, seeing how he died when we were 9 as well and he didn't believe in God. Maybe he was Jew? Maybe not. I'm kinda tired so if I stop making sense, you know why._

_Life is a shit hole that when you fall down it you land in hell. Stan blew me off again for Wendy. Figures. I'm really pissed off at him for that. He does it everyday. At least me and Craig are becoming good friends. Really good. He's a cool guy once you get past the flaws like how he flips everyone off all the time. He does it to me a couple times but always apologizes. It's not like when he flips Tweek off._

_I still can't believe fat ass pushed you down the stairs. How the hell do you die from it anyways? :S Weird. _

_So I bet you're wondering how I'm sending this to you right now. It's a very good question. I seen this ad on the Internet and I hope you get this letter or I'll be pissed off again. Nothing works right when you're a Jew._

_I'm thinking about getting my Jew fro cut. My mom thinks it's a bad idea but it's not up to her. I'm really stoked for it. You should come back as soon as possible just so you can see the famous hair fall to it's final stop. See the last moments of Kyle Broflovski's fro. It'll be awesome. Cartman's going to tape it. He already asked me for my consent. Weird, eh?_

_What the fuck man?! Eh?! Where the hell did that come from?! :S God dammit! Why am I saying weird things! Whatever, man. I better cut this short so you won't have a novel to read. _

_Talk to you when you get back,_

_Kyle B_

_A/N:  
*sbf: Super Best Friend_


	2. Re: To Kyle

_HEEEY!! Tis Kinny! I'm typing up the second chap. Hope you like and I hope it doesn't suck _

_**South Park is NOT mine**_

"ow...o-ow..." I blinked up at a red light shining down to me, it was giving me a headache. At first I tought it was just the nurses office, the bright red light was suddenly blocked out by a figure, shaking me and calling my name.

"Kenny. Kenny! Get up you asshole." muttered a voice,

Straining my eyes I focused on the angry hellish face of the Anti-christ.

"Eeech!" I snickered in disgust and tapped his face away, "Not the prettiest sight to wake up to."

Damien punched me in the gut, "Asshole!"  
"AH! God damn it!" Yeah I can tell Hell's gonna be reeeeal fun.

I was helped up by Damien and another dude who I think his name was Rat or Mole or something, I heard about him from the guys, they put me in my really really, I mean REALLY, nice penthouse! Ever since I helped Satan with his boyfriend issues and saved everyones asses by going back to hell, I've been recieving the life of luxary here. Plus Damien is my homeboy.

I slumped on my couch and flicked on the TV, Damien sat in one of the chairs and that Mole dude grabbed a chair from the kitchen and sat down too.

"So how'd you die today Ken-master?" joked Damien,

"Fatass shoved me down the stairs."

"I 'ate zat ass 'ole." spat Mole out bitterly,

"He killed you too right?"

"Basicallee."

I snickered, "Fucking jackass, kills two of us and makes old-demon boy blow up his boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" growled Damien as Mole and me laughed.

"DUDE!" I suddenly shouted and clicked on a program,

"What ze 'ell ar' we watching?"

"Porn." Damien rolled his eyes, I just smiled my 'little devil' smirk and turned up the volume.

We just kinda...sat there, watching two people going at it, sharing a little bit of our own stories.

"Seriously?! In a preschool?!" I choaked on my beer as I stared wide-eyed at Mole,

"Oh yeah." he smiled and put his feet up, sipping on his own bottle of gin, "Zhey called me for zhe rest of zhe day."

"Dude...sick." laughed Damien loudly. "Mm." he checked his watch, "Mole. We gotta go"  
"Right." they tossed their empty cans away and left the appartmant.

I was bored as hell. Hanging out with the dudes were fun though, I looked over at my laptop, something flashed saying I got some kind of mail. Grabbing my laptop, I clicked on the flashing menace.

"E-mail from Earth. Kyle Broflofski."

I blinked, "Kyle sent me a message?" After apon reading it, I rappidly type up my response.

_Dear Kyle,_

_Dude! Awsome to hear from you! Life in hell's been...intresting. Me, Damien and that french guy have been talking about porn and crap like that. You know the usual. We all want to kill the fatass. When I get back, i'm gonna throw his motherfucking ass over the side of a cliff! Aahhahha!_

_So how's everyone been in that __quiet_, _little, pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mud-hole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobmail, truck-drivin', old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash, kick ass mountain town? Hope nothing to big happened when I was gone._

_I'm pretty sure i'll come back in a week or something, anyway...Red Racer has really gone down hill huh? Its on he TV right now, don't tell Craig I said that, he'd splash boiling fucking coffee in my face again. _

_Satan makes the best fucking tea man! I don't even like tea and I think its fucking amazing!_

_I better cut this short before I start rambling._

_Titty-sprinkles,_

_Kenny._

_P.S Damien wants to say that he 'loves his sweetums Pippy!'_

As I typed up the last words, I chuckled, "Damien's gonna kick my ass."

**SEND**

Wow this sucked. _  
_


End file.
